I ask myself…
“Where Have I Been?”
the still small voice answers,
“Healing, jana, you have
“Oh, yes, thank you”, I say.
What relief to find myself here in these pages of jana’s three dresses. The words in print give expression to the emotions locked inside.
Relief. Such relief to finally let go and write it all down. Ten years is a long time to hold all of this.
The still small voice continues to prompt and probe my heart. Scraps of paper scattered all over my home as I record all He is allowing me to see of myself and of Him, of this intimate relationship He and I have shared over this
Decade of Healing.
The pain is still there, the grief still palpable, tears actually come easier now, the longing for his return, his embrace, his gentle presence even stronger now than ever before.
Yet it has been ten years since he was taken from this world,
shouldn’t I be “over it” by now?
“No! No! No!” I will not let this world dictate to me how I should grieve, or in what order, or on what timeline.
You can’t tie grief up into a nice little package with a pretty bow and present it to say,
“See it is all in here, nice and neat, safe from the world.”
Nope. Grief is messy, it is raw, it is ugly.
Grief is expressed uniquely, just as individuals are unique.
We are not given a script or how-to manual on how to cope and recover from the loss of a loved-one. We just do it to the best of our ability, and if we are fortunate to know Christ, we lean on Him for understanding.
For me, Grief is private. A private space – sitting at My Redeemer’s Feet seeking His embrace, His still small voice, His comfort, His timeline.
Thank you, Father, for meeting me in the darkness and bringing me into the light. May I honor you in these pages of jana’s three dresses.