Grey’s Anatomy will always be one of my favorite series…ever.
In the 5th season, there is an episode that will forever remain with me. It is titled I Will Follow You into the Dark. One of the main characters learns that he is being sued for the recent death of a patient for whom he had performed brain surgery.
He is devistated as this is the final in a series of patient deaths. Upon learning the devastating news, his girlfriend, soon to be fiancé, professes that she will follow him into the dark.
This statement is prophetic in her commitment to him. And, there is comfort for me in her words.
Her statement implies two things.
- Her recognition that he is about to enter a deep dark place.
- That she needs to follow him there, in all likelihood, so that she can be there with him, in the dark, and therefore eventually follow him out.
I wonder if she inherently knows that he will be forever be changed by his journey through the darkness. And, that if she doesn’t follow him, she may lose the chance to know the man he will become.
We will all face suffering of some kind in this life. We will all need to learn to navigate in the darkness. We will all be changed for it.
She states she will follow him into the darkness, not lead. She doesn’t take it upon herself to initiate the process of grief, or coping, or the journey of “whatever” he is about to go through. No she doesn’t initiate it or suggest that he follow her, as if she had all of the answers he were looking for. Instead, she commits to following him. This isn’t her path to take, but instead it is her loved one’s path. She accompanies him there following him, allowing him to initiate the process.
Oh, how I wish, this had been my case. After my brother took his life, I wish those around me would have realized that I needed to follow my own path through my grief. That they couldn’t take me down theirs. Or lead me through to “healing” on their time-table or along their prechartered course. There were so many wrong turns for me along the way as I was lead by those whose intentions were good but misguided.
It was my path to follow. My unchartered waters to navigate. In my own time. By my own way.
But, as I write, this is what I hear God saying to me. Jana, I followed you into the darkness. I was there with you. And, once you allowed me to, I led you out.
God is here now. He is in the darkness. He remains steadfast through it all.
Jesus, my Lord and Savior, followed me into my darkness. Held me. Carried me. Rested with me. Enveloped me. Listened to me. Sat with me. Prayed with me. He followed me into the darkness.
No human could do what He did for me. No human could have had the capacity to follow me into my darkness like I needed them to. No human would have had the patience, endurance, or courage to stay with me for that long, with that intensity, or love me so deeply that no amount of anger, rage, sadness, or self-loathing would push Him away.
The mystery of Christ remains yesterday, today and tomorrow. In Him I draw my strength. In Him I will remain.
Are you journeying through the darkness? Are you following a loved one on their journey? Are you scared, afraid, angry, lost? If so, I encourage you to invite Him to join you. He will remain with you and lead you to Freedom.