jana's three dresses

I am linking up today with Lisa Jo Baker and Five Minute Fridays. The word today is COMFORT. I am to write for five minutes without stopping, a free-flow of ideas, unedited. I am a bit out of practice, let’s see what I find.

GO:

I have this quote on our wall.

Whenever I go on a trip, I think about all of the homes I have had & I remember what little has changed about what comforts me.

And, it is true. Little has changed about what comforts me.

Rocking chairs. The smell of baking cookies in the oven. A warm smile. A hug of welcome. A soft sofa with my feet tucked under me, a book in my hand and a cup of tea steaming at my side. The laughter of my children. The reassuring grin of my husband. The clouds floating by shadowing blue sky. Water rippling in the wind. Birds singing contentedly in the trees.

The sound of life: lawn mowers cutting neighbors’ lawns, children riding by on their bicycles, dogs barking, neighbors visiting on their front porches.

Front porches bring to mind warm summer nights. Crickets chirping. Ice tea. Fireflies. Sparklers. Bare feet.

As I recall all the things that bring me comfort, I sense my shoulders relaxing, my breath deepening, my heart delighting in memories. It doesn’t take but four minutes.

I think of the Military Spouses seeking comfort today – and lift them up to the Great Comforter Himself.

STOP:

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Cor. 1:3,4

jana

Ancora 2013 was a complete success. {Read my previous post to know what Ancora is all about.}

My mind is racing with renewed passion and purpose. My writing voice is coming back quickly now that I have space for it again.

I was burdened and weary in the weeks leading up to the event. I kept wondering how I had even gotten myself committed to leading Ancora, and why and the world we were doing this.

Sometimes our team felt like we were pulling our chapel community along to make Ancora happen. We struggled to know who was in charge and taking the lead. There was miscommunication, confusion, and unexpected road blocks. It was difficult to communicate the vision and mission of Ancora. It was difficult to know who to invite and how to market it. At times, it all just seemed a jumbled mess – like a beautiful necklace knotted beyond recognition.

Our registration numbers were extremely low, to the point that we had to cancel a few of the speakers. We had no idea how many or who exactly would show up on Saturday. We arrived Friday evening to set up, only to be told by the staff and security guard that they were not expecting us until the am, and no we could not enter as they were closing for the evening. {Fortunately, we got all of that worked out. Unfortunately, I allowed my stress to ruffle me for a moment.}

But…God knew all of this was going to happen. He knew. He was the one leading, the one commanding, the one ultimately in control.

I ponder this truth and breath deeply.

There are many moments from Ancora that are important to share. I have many words and thoughts to write down. I struggle to know where to begin.

But, I do want to share one thing.

…..

When I came home that evening, both exhausted and energized {how is that even possible?}, my husband asked me one question:

“Do you feel relief now that Ancora is finished?”

In the weeks before, when I was stressed, busy, jotting down to-do list after to-do list, I had said to my husband, if we can just get through May 4th, all will be well. Life will settle back down again.

I kept seeing that day – May 4th – as something at which to arrive. I believed that once I got through it I could move on to other things, things that I had put on the back burner – like writing, reading a stack of new books, preparing for our move this summer.

Yet, as much as I wanted to tell him, “Yes, I am relieved. Let’s move onto other things and put Ancora behind us”, I couldn’t. In my heart, that would have been a dishonest answer. 

Ancora isn’t over. The ministry of Ancora is only beginning. God showed up on Saturday to tell me, “Jana, you are not done. There is more work ahead.” Instead of relief, he filled me with renewed passion, commitment, ideas, and burning love for Him and His hurting people.

It isn’t over. My work with Ancora has only just begun.

…..

Once again, I find myself at a place where I have no idea what is coming next. But bring it on, because I am so excited to continue this amazing journey of service to the one who heals, Jehovah Rapha. Thank you for your prayers and words of support.

newly purposed,

jana

****As soon as it is available, I will be posting the link to the Youtube videos of the sessions for Ancora 2013. You will not want to miss these amazing speakers: Dave and Brenda Roever (http://roeverfoundation.org) , Richelle Hecker (US Army Iraq War Widow, mother of four children), and Chaplain Timothy Mallard, Lt Col, US Army – Army War College Deputy Chaplain and Protestant Pastor.

This Saturday will be a final culmination of a work that began in November. I have been rather silent here in my writing because all of my energies have been focused on this one task.

Ancora 2013 is a new and exciting opportunity for members of the Military Community, specifically the Military Spouse.

Registration is Open. Email ancora2013@gmail.com for more information.

Location: Army Heritage and Education Center. Carlisle, PA

Saturday, May 4th, 8am to 5:30pm

Ancora 2013 will be addressing the Reality of Suffering in our military community and answering it with the Certainty of Hope in Christ Jesus. Our theme scripture is Hebrews 6:19,

 We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place. 

It is no secret that the military community is suffering after ten years of uninterrupted war. Military spouses are no exception. We all carry stories of hurt and pain with us, whether they are our own, our spouses’s or a friend’s. Healing will come if we begin to share our stories with one another, replacing walls of isolation with bridges of hope. Ancora was created with this in mind.

Friends, I ask for your prayers.

We do not know how many will attend. As you can imagine, this topic is one people often run from rather than to. God’s favor has been on Ancora 2013 from the beginning. Time and time again our efforts have been affirmed and supported.

So, I enter this week in prayer, releasing Ancora 2013 to Him who is able. Will you join me in prayer for the speakers, volunteers and participants? Thank you.

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy,  to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. (Jude 1: 24, 25)

newly purposed,

jana

I kept hearing bits and pieces about Rick Warren’s family in the news this week. I understood there had been a tragedy. I didn’t know the details, though I had my suspicions.

Last night, I was visiting with a fellow parent at my sons’ Tae Kwon Do class. He confirmed for me what I had already been suspecting. Rick Warren’s son had committed suicide.

How did I know? How had I perceived that in all likelyhood suicide was the “unmentionable” the whisperings were about? Because, I have been there. My family has been there. A prominent minister with a son that struggled with mental illness and took his life. Yeah…I have been there.

I suspect the church is more repulsed and intolerant of suicide than the rest of our American society. I imagine many faithful followers are asking, how can a son of man – a popular pastor who has sold millions of copies of a book that promises “a purpose-driven life” – take his life? How can that happen? What went wrong? Did He believe in God? Was his faith not strong? Why was he struggling when he had a dad like that? Where is God in this?

Oh, how I wish there were easy answers to these questions.

My immediate thought at the news was, “I wonder how this event will change Rick Warren’s ministry? I wonder what new perspective he will gain?” It will be impossible for him and his family to go through this and not question their faith, their core beliefs, their understanding of the power of God, and their understanding of prayer and divine healing.

I believe God can heal sickness, illness – even mental illness. I believe God can supernaturally stop events from happening – even prevent imminent death of an individual.

I also believe there are times God doesn’t intervene in ways we expect him to. And I really don’t understand how or why.

I have learned to sit comfortably with the profound mystery of it all.

___________________________________________________________

In the weeks to come, Rick Warren and his family will be featured in the news circuits. Articles will be written. People will gossip. And, his son’s photo will be flashed across the media over and over again.

My soul aches for the family.

I ache for them because time and time again, their son, their faith, and their honor will be misunderstood, scrutinized, and judged.

I pray that they will be protected from the onslaught of vultures that will come in the form of those wanting a “good” story or a “good” nugget for gossip. I pray God will shelter them from the storm that has errupted in their midst. I pray that those people who love them and loved their boy will surround them and remind them of the good times and of the boy he was in spite of the illness. I pray for the mighty hand of God to protect them from all evil that is trying to rain down on them.

Will you please join me in prayer? And, when questions fill your mind in an attempt to make sense of this tragedy, will you please lift them up to God instead of joining in the gossip?

There is something for all of us to learn here. If we allow the questions to arise within us and lift them up to the One who has the answers, He will reveal more of himself to us, and we will grow in deeper and more intimate understanding of Him and His Church.

So, let the questions come, just be sure to direct them to the One who has the answers.

newly purposed,

jana

My heart races as I sit down to my computer to write my first post after nearly a month in hiatus. I can’t explain my absence except for that fact that I kept hearing the Lord speak to me the word,

“Silence”

Over the past month, both my writing voice and my actual voice have fallen quiet, insecure and fragile. I am on a new journey. I am not sure exactly what it is or where it will take me. But, I sense that I am entering another place of waiting. And, from what I have learned before, the Lord will meet me there and show me where to go next. My job is to wait and pray with expectation; to rest and be silent – for I will not hear him if I am making or surrounding myself with a lot of noise.

I am reading through a book titled When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd (author of The Secret Life of Bees). Of all places, I found it on the free shelf at our local library. It was published in 1990, yet, despite being over twenty years old, her words are breathing comfort into my soul. I realize I am now on the same journey she describes – a mid-life journey seeking meaning and purpose.

I am entering mid-life. I don’t like it. I am definitely not happy about it. I don’t see myself as a soon-to-be-forty-year-old, yet here I am on the precipice of a new stage. What now? What am I doing with my life? Is this all that there is? These are the questions racing through my head, and they are the same ones Sue writes about.

She shares lessons learned along her journey – lessons of Waiting, Resting, Entering into the dark place. She describes an image of becoming a “cocoon” in order to allow the His Holy Spirit to transform her into her True Self – the self that Christ sees.

Her words are familiar to me and capture the experiences I have had and lessons I have learned. And, I ponder, who is teaching these lessons to the next generation of women?

In my recent silence, as I have been reading through this book, God is reminding me of His first calling on my life – to share my story – to share the lessons I have learned, the wisdom He bore in me during a period of waiting.

But…then, this is where I begin to struggle and shy away from doing just that. Who do I think I am? What could I possibly have to say that hasn’t already been said? Is it egotistical of me to think that my words are of any significance? Who am I serving – myself or God?

I look at the beautiful, uplifting blogs that are out there. They share ideas about parenting, cooking, marriage, and home-decorating. They are happy, colorful, and fun. I am intimidated by it all, and feel that I am just a thorn in everyone’s side reminding them of the darker side of life.

But, here is the honest truth: I wish I could write about things that make everyone feel good and perfect and put-together. I wish that were the voice I had been given. It is more acceptable to write about things that make us comfortable, that feed our egos and materialistic tendencies.

(I am not bashing those blogs, please don’t misunderstand me. I love looking at them and getting insights on great fashion, home decor, and cuisine. The blogs are beautiful and their writers talented.)

I also know this to be true: My words flow freely and easily onto the page when I share personal spiritual struggles and the parts of my life that rub raw against the truths of Scripture. Beneath the squeaky clean spiritual surface of me lies a dark underbelly that is fighting for a chance to breath and bear witness of Christ’s love.

My blog may not be the most popular. I may not generate thousands of followers or start a movement and “go viral”.  And, I may never be able to afford, or decide to allocate, hundreds of dollars to develop a beautiful, new blog design.

I fight fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of failure.

Yet, God has given me eyes that see the grief and suffering in this world; a mind that questions the status quo; a heart that aches to know more of Him; and a spirit that needs to rest so that He can fill me again.

I will write as I feel led, when words hang on my heart aching to be spoken, and try not to strive for popularity.

newly purposed, 

jana